theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
