dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
