Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
