just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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