If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
