i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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