so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
