Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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