I cockslap morals
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
