No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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