I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
