You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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