As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
sarcasm needs its own font
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have aggressive nipples.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
