I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
