wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
