My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
