i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
