it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
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And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize