One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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