saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
