i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Damn victory sex feels great
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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