Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
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