and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
