the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
