I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
