I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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