The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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