Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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