Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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