wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
