Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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