He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
