Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
