How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
