I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
