I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
