Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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