A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
