Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
