This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
