im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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