I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
