I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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