My room smells like vodka and shame
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
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Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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