Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
