I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
