She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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