Pappa wants mamma naked
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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