I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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