My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
