I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
