Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So much Jack, so little girl.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
