I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
