I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
