Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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