this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
