why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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