Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
