I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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