I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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