Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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