my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
