Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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