apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
