The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
