You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
