this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
