There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where is the hickey?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
