Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
