My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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